A white envelope on a wooden work top. Written on the envelope in black marker are the words. F.A.O. YOU!
Life

A letter of kindness

As part of my random acts of kindness challenge I set myself the task of writing a letter. This has really thrown me. I haven’t written a real letter since I was a teenager and I don’t think multi coloured pens, stickers and doodles are my thing any more. Who do I even write a letter too? I have no idea what to even write. I speak to most people regularly via email, whats app and social media so feel I have nothing to say. Which is a first for me and not completely true it’s just that I don’t want to seem like a raving lunatic.

I thought about writing to an MP or a big company about making a difference in the world. Although this sounded great I felt I am not informed, passionate or intelligent enough to write about something specific to make a change or an impression. It sounds like I am putting myself down but I really don’t know enough and if I did read up on a subject I doubt that my words would end up being kind.

My other idea was to write to you and ask you to be kind to yourselves. We are our own biggest critics and that inner voice is always telling us how we can be better and do better. Then I realised this would make me a hippocrite as I don’t always follow my own rules. Asking you to do something I don’t do myself seems like a dick move. So I decided to write to myself a letter to remind me to be kind to me. I am constantly doubting myself, critizing and putting me at the end of my priorities. So here is my new to do list to encourage me to be kinder to myself.

Don’t Compare

It is so hard not to compare yourself to others and see all their achievements and qualities you admire and feel you lack. But we never know what is truly going on behind the scenes and what they have gone through or sacrificed to get to that point. No one has their shit together and everyone is winging it at life. We are only seeing a small faction of what is going on and normally only what they want us to see. You are you and be proud of who you are.

Self Care

Take some time for you. I am always putting other people before myself especially my family. With young kids they demand so much of my time and energy that I exhaust myself. Set an evening or few hours for yourself each week. Maybe go for a walk with a friend or to the pub, have a bath without interruption or a pamper. Going the shops alone or hiding on the toilet do not count as self care. Doing chores in peace is not self care. Have some time for you to do whatever you need to do and do it guilt free. Start a new hobby or sport that you have been meaning to try or you can go have a nap, watch a film/TV show of your choice in peace and have snacks without having to share.

Be Brave

Take risks. You can do it. Apply for that new job or try something new. Don’t over think it. Even if it doesn’t work out and it fails then you have tried. You miss all of the chances you never take. This has been a big thing for me recently at trying something new. I have talked myself out of certain situations and self sabotaged in a fear of failure and change. It seemed scary or difficult and I repeatedly told myself all the reasons it wouldn’t work or why I wasn’t good enough. I was good enough and it was new and different but I was just scared.

Accept the Compliment

Do not brush off the compliment or down play things you have achieved or spent time and energy doing. It is so easy to highlight why the compliment is not justified. If someone compliments your outfit how often have you replied ‘its only cheap, old or charity shop’ or if someone says you look nice ‘oh no I am so fat, old, wrinkled’. The common one I make is when I have styled my hair and someone compliments me. I always reply without fail “just brushed it” even if I spent time and energy to look nice. So instead I am going to say ‘Thank you I think so too’.

Believe

You deserve happiness and love and you are worthy. Believe in yourself. You can achieve the things you want, you are growing and changing everyday and you can do it. You are strong, brave and amazing and keep telling yourself that too. You have gotten this far and this is just the beginning so keep going and dream big.

Beautiful

You are beautiful. Yes my face isn’t the commercialised, westernised unachievable perfection that has become expectation but that is not reality even for those models. I am so much more than my face or my body shape and no it won’t win awards for beauty. But when I look at other people do I judge them on their beauty? No. I judge them on their personality and characteristics like their passion when talking about something the enjoy.

Stop Unrealistic Expectations

Life isn’t perfect and it is unrealistic to believe it is. When I start something I expect it to happen instantly, weight loss, knowledge of something new or a becoming perfect at a new skill and when it doesn’t I get disheartened and give up. My expectations are unreal and when is a task ever fully completed. When moving house I expected to decorate it all and have it finished but the list is forever growing. I see people decorating their homes online making it seem so easy that they have painted a room in a day and done a ton of DIY. I sit and look a my half painted wall daily and have a list as long as my arm that is ever growing and I feel like I’ve failed. I haven’t. My priorities, my circumstances and my life are different and even if they were exactly the same it doesn’t matter. I am constantly putting unrealistic expectations on myself and how I should be living. It is just not achievable and I feel myself become overwhelmed. Do all of these things matter? No. You don’t need to have all your shit together. What is the most important thing to you right now? Focus on that and take a deep breath and chill out.

This is my reminder to stop over thinking, stop doubting myself and to not let the opinions of others decide who you are. You are amazing and you are doing great. Keep going. x

Author

jenny@jenjensdesigns.co.uk

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Wire Wall Art

April 30, 2021